Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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