That's intense
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
