I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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