Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
