I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
