Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
