Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
