Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
