my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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