I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
In America we eat man semen.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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