sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
