she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
