im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
being pregnant is like rehab
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
