i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
