I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
