I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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