If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
