I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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