he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the condom got lost in my hair
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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