We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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