i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
