I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
