How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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