Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the day after is always just damage control
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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