and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
