she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
