The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hippo gnu deer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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