I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Pants are for mortals
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
