I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
