you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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