I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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