What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
