i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
