Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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