Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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