every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We are two peas in an std pod
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
