Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
