i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You ruined the universe
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
