So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
