woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
