No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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