why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
