who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
