ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
