I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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