oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
