I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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