Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
