MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
