I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
