I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
