Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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