I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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