Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
