woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
