u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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