What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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