my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
