i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
