He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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